The Blind Thoughts Café is something that I randomly thought of one day as I lay in bed trying to make sense of my jumbled, blind thoughts. As a writer, as a painter, as an artist and as a creative, I constantly feel as if I have so many ideas, so many thoughts, so many endeavours that I wish to pursue; a painting, a piece of writing, ‘oh I have such a good journal entry idea!’, ‘wow that is an amazing idea for a book, let’s start chapter one!’, ‘damn, I wish I bought a sketchbook, that is a stunning view’, ‘mum look, I started this story, what do you think?’, ‘I need to post this on my Tumblr, NOW!’, ‘this would look so good painted and hung on my wall!’

but then, when I actually look around, when I read through my stories, scroll through the multiple drafts of the books, look around at the canvases that sit dotted around my room, I realise that they are unfinished. Abandoned. Half a story told; half a painting immortalised.

One blind thought after another.

And it goes on

and on

and on.

After spending five years hating my impulsivity surrounding my creativity while trying to fight perhaps the most significant creative block I have felt in my 23 years of life, I had a realisation that my perfectionism is simultaneously my biggest blessing and curse.

Once upon a time, I sketched something because I saw something beautiful and I wanted to translate it in the way I knew best, through my pencil. Once upon a time, I painted because it was the only way I could express an emotion that I knew was in my head, but I was unable to feel in my heart. Once upon a time, I thought up stories to tell as bedtime tales to my sister or wrote a piece which would become a story I nurtured and meticulously added to over the years, laughing to myself at the funny moments and crying to myself all the same.

Once upon a time I created because it was the only thing that gave me purpose, that made me smile, that took me away from the bitterness of my life and set my soul alight in a way that nothing else would.

While living with my five-year creative block, fluctuating between having absolutely no creative instinct and being plagued with a random idea but not having the energy to see it through, since I had made myself believe that if I was not able to produce anything to a perfect level then ‘why bother?’, I realised that I had gotten to a point where never mind finishing a story or a painting, I could not even start one. The feeling of a paintbrush in my hand felt foreign, my fingers cramped awkwardly around a pen, word documents sat blankly in front of me while I stared, equally blankly, right back at them.

It was a shockingly uncomfortable realisation to come to that I had truly snuffed out the last of my creative fire. I had extinguished what I once believed to be my purpose.

All those praises from teachers at my written pieces of work; the gasps of awe from friends and peers when I unveiled a new painting or drawing; the shock from my sister when she asked, ‘how are you doing that?’ as she watched me work; was I truly never going to hear all of that again, all of which gave me life?

To answer my own silly question, nope!

I guess after five long, tedious years, I was finally willing to answer that ‘wake up call’.

And, that brings us to present day, to The Blind Thoughts Café. The purpose of this blog is to be a space, a ‘café’ if you will, that will be both a creative outlet for myself and also hope to be a source of inspiration for others. From excerpts of my random pieces of writing, to an analysis of my favourite art piece of the week; from updates on my books which I aim to continue writing, to reviews of books which I have read and loved; from motivational pieces encouraging you to get creative, to a simple blog post delving into one of the complex things I have gone through in my 23 years, TBTC (let’s start using an acronym so I don’t have to type it over and over again) will have a section for it all.

Like the cosy cafés where I love spending my time, sipping on a coffee while reading a book or finishing an assignment, I aspire for TBTC to be much like that just in the online space, accessible to all who relate and feel seen by the thoughts, words and art which will hopefully fill the pages of this blog. One day I hope that TBTC will be a place where creatives can come together and build a community; there may be some like me who feel artistically stifled and are unsure of how to carry on or even where to start, and hopefully there will be others whose creativity spills from them without them even trying.

And hey who knows, maybe one day I’ll open a real café, somewhere in the middle of nowhere and we can all come together and have a coffee while discussing our thoughts on the latest bestseller or praising a painting which a patron has brought along.

That’s obviously a little too ambitious and probably too far in the future for me to even touch but for right now, I have this, my own little world, my own little café full of my blind thoughts. The coffee’s brewing, the cakes are almost finished baking and my pen and paintbrush – read: laptop and keyboard – are ready to welcome you, would you like to come inside?